Learn to recognize the signs of an emotional and physically abusive relationship.
In any relationship, we expect love, care, and respect from the significant other. First, we need to understand what is the relationship? When we talk about the relationship the very first thing that comes in our mind……. is marriage or marital bond. So here is the answer “The concept of relationship is extensive and varies from person to person but the personal relationships consist of emotional connection between two people. “
Major components of a healthy relationship are:
- Mutual understanding
- Love and passion for each other
- Separate identities
- Respect and care
- Healthy communication
- Emotional support
We, humans, need to be attached or make close bonds for our survival we need someone who loves us, console us in difficult times, with whom we can share our emotions and to have meaningful conversations, stay intimate and nurture mutually. So when we make close bonds we expect these above mentioned positive and healthy attitudes towards each other. If one of the partners does not fulfill the emotional and physical needs of their partner and wants to control you in any way. It means that you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship.
Caution signs of a toxic relationship:
- Embarrassing you
- Extramarital affair
- Ignoring you
- Loud and unpleasant accent
- Control over you
- Blaming you for every fight
- Decline to communicate
- Lack of empathy towards you
- Constant emotional ill-treatment
- Making fun of you in front of others
- Emotional blackmailing
Why people in an abusive relationship cannot run off simply?
- Society norms
- Low self-esteem
- Social pressure
- Lack of a support system
- Lack of confidence
- Fear of being alone
- Non-professional advises
How to deal with a toxic relationship
- Acknowledge that the relationship is poisonous
- Give your partner time limit to change
- Believe their actions not words
- Follow personal growth
- Surround yourself with positive people
- Stop blaming yourself
- Never ignore bruises and damages caused by a toxic partner
- Move on
- Seek professional help
Be courageous and never set for the less than you deserved as human. There is completely no responsibility for you to live with toxic people just because they are family. Everyone has the right to be in a safe environment and a healthy relationship.
Story of a client who was in an abusive relationship
I was a young woman full of life, confident, kind-hearted by nature and everybody around me loved me including my family, friends, my classmates, my colleagues. I thought myself the luckiest person on the earth. According to me, I had a magic stick of love through which I can win the heart of my prince as well.
After completing my education I got married to a person with whom I never met before. My parents fixed my wedding and being a good daughter I trusted them blindly. At the time of nikkah, I was thinking the life full of love, respect and care but at the same moment, I was a little nervous and scared because I did not even know the person with whom I m going to spend my whole life.
Everything was going smoothly than one day my husband took me to my parents’ house and told me that we stayed at your parents’ place until we found a good place to move or settled over there. I talked to my parent and they allowed us to live with them happily. Two months have passed and he started hitting /beating me on small things and did everything to hurt me emotionally and physically. I was not allowed to leave my room and meet my relatives. He used to torture me verbally by saying YOU ARE WORTHLESS WOMAN, I THINK YOU DEGREE IS FAKE YOU ARE ILLITERATE, YOU DON’T KNOW TO COOK FOOD, I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS TOLERATING SUCH A LOOSER WOMAN, YOU ARE GOOD FOR NOTHING and humiliated me every single minute.
After the birth of my child, after 10 days of her birth, One day he choked her till she breathes with the utmost difficulty, he put her under the pillow and sit on it, many times he took her in his one hand and took her to energy saver, and you know what, why was he doing all that? What was her fault? He has done all this to her just because she was crying, I was being so much mentally captivated, that although I wanted to stop him, I felt annoyance on him, I didn’t find courage in me to stop him neither I can think about it.
In between all these happenings, I came across a person who is trained psychologist who made me realize that I and my daughter both are victims, she made me realize that we both are also equal humans and individuals, I consult her time to time, after listening to my circumstances she guides me, after her counseling I got my confidence back. I am sharing my story just because I know there are many other women who are dealing with toxic relationships just because they think one day that toxic person will change.
In our society, we women are taught to sacrifice our happiness, respect, and dignity for the sake of this power dominated society. I want to tell you that our happiness, dignity, and self respect matters, and taking care of our mental and emotional well being is not selfish.
Author: Saba Naz (Psychologist)